Advice Request from Client:

I grew up in a household where money was always tight — lights being turned off, eviction notices, food stamps. Now I’m in my mid-thirties, and financially, I’m doing fine. I have a steady job, no major debt, and a decent savings account. But I can’t shake this constant anxiety around spending money. Every purchase feels like a threat, even when it’s something I need. I obsessively track my expenses and feel guilt anytime I do something even slightly indulgent, like ordering takeout or buying new clothes. On the outside, I seem responsible — frugal, careful — but internally I feel imprisoned. It’s like I’m still waiting for everything to collapse. I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t know how to stop. How do I break free from this fear of financial instability when my reality no longer matches my anxiety?

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Advice from our Doctor of Psychology:

What you’re experiencing is a powerful example of what we call financial trauma — a term that may sound dramatic, but is deeply appropriate. When someone grows up in an environment of chronic financial insecurity, their nervous system learns to associate survival with vigilance, restriction, and self-denial. Even long after the actual threat is gone, the fear remains lodged in the body and mind, shaping beliefs and behaviors in ways that feel irrational on the surface, but make complete sense through a trauma-informed lens.

It’s important to know that what you’re feeling is not just “overthinking” or “being frugal.” This is about safety — the kind of safety that was denied to you in crucial developmental years. In those years, every dollar had consequences. Needs may have gone unmet. Wants were luxuries you were taught not to trust. Now, as an adult, your external circumstances have changed, but your internal compass is still calibrated to fear. And that fear isn’t just about money — it’s about the fear of returning to powerlessness, to unpredictability, to chaos.

The emotional imprisonment you described — the inability to enjoy your stability — is one of the cruelest effects of unresolved scarcity trauma. Because it tricks you into believing that any softness, any ease, is a liability. And so you remain in a self-imposed austerity, trying to “stay safe” by never allowing yourself to feel safe.

Here’s the good news: financial trauma is not permanent. But healing it requires more than just affirming that you're “okay now.” It involves actively re-training your nervous system to recognize that your current life is different — not just logically, but emotionally and physically.

Start by creating small moments of financial permission. These don’t need to be extravagant. They need to be intentional. For example, set aside a modest monthly “comfort fund” — an amount you consciously allow yourself to spend without justification. Track how it makes you feel. Notice the guilt, but also notice the safety: you’re not losing everything. The world didn’t collapse. You’re still okay.

Also, consider using visualization or grounding exercises when you experience financial panic. Remind your body where you are: I am in my own home. I am employed. I have food in the fridge. I am safe today. These grounding statements begin to challenge the trauma’s hold.

Working with a trauma-informed therapist — especially one familiar with financial trauma or anxiety — can be immensely helpful. They can help you untangle the emotional distortions that keep you in a loop of deprivation, even when you’ve earned the right to feel secure.

Finally, extend compassion to yourself. What you’re doing — surviving, thriving even, despite the past — is remarkable. The fear you carry is not a failure. It’s a scar from having once been unprotected. But the person you are now has tools, options, and a voice. And you deserve to enjoy what you’ve worked so hard to build.

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