Advice Request from Client:
I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my adult life, but lately it’s started interfering with things that never used to bother me. Even simple decisions — like replying to a text, choosing what to eat, or deciding what to do on the weekend — trigger these mini panic spirals where I overanalyze everything. I constantly worry that I’m making the wrong choice, upsetting someone, or missing some hidden consequence. It’s like I’m trying to avoid future regret or embarrassment at all costs, but that effort just keeps me stuck. I’ve even started avoiding things just so I don’t have to deal with the stress of deciding. I know this is irrational, but I can’t seem to stop the cycle. What can I do to stop overthinking everything and trust myself again?
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Advice from our Doctor of Psychology:
What you’re describing is one of the most frustrating and exhausting aspects of anxiety: the overactive mind that won’t let you rest, even in the most mundane moments. This “what-if” cycle can leave you emotionally depleted and uncertain about your own judgment, as if your internal compass has been scrambled by fear.
Anxiety, especially when chronic, often manifests in a need for control and certainty. Your brain is trying to protect you — not by calming you down, but by over-preparing for imagined threats. Unfortunately, this protective instinct can go into overdrive, leading to the very suffering it was trying to avoid. The need to “get it right” or prevent all possible negative outcomes becomes so intense that it paralyzes your ability to make even low-stakes choices.
One of the most effective therapeutic approaches for this type of anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), particularly when combined with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). In ERP, you’d gently practice tolerating uncertainty in small, manageable ways without performing your usual mental rituals — like overanalyzing or seeking reassurance. Over time, your brain starts to relearn that discomfort is not danger, and you don’t need to resolve every “what if” to feel safe.
A key skill to develop is cognitive defusion, borrowed from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Instead of getting entangled in your anxious thoughts — believing them, arguing with them, or trying to erase them — you learn to notice them, name them (“Ah, there’s that ‘what if’ story again”), and let them pass without reacting. Think of your thoughts as clouds in the sky, not commands to obey.
You may also benefit from setting daily “decision caps” or structured times to make choices — and then practicing letting go of the outcome. A mantra like, “It’s okay to not be 100% sure — I choose to trust myself anyway” can help reinforce a more self-compassionate and grounded response to your own doubt.
Lastly, it’s crucial to note: overthinking is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a symptom of a nervous system that’s trying very hard to keep you safe. Your goal is not to silence your thoughts entirely, but to change your relationship to them — so they no longer hold all the power.
You are not your anxiety. You are the observer of it — and that, in itself, is a powerful place to stand.
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